Eulogy for Jesse

“I am not a judge, I am the least of the judged”

This passage from a great novel ('The Brothers Karamazov') is the theme of this eulogy.

Now, Jesse may have had a sharp opinion or three. But as is well known, this is typical amongst New Englanders. Who here hasn’t expressed a sharp opinion in their lives? But Jesse was, fundamentally, not a judge, of himself or of others.

Though Jesse, “Barden” as he was always known to many of us, stands out to me in many ways, I want to mention first and foremost that I saw him as a humble and compassionate and engaging friend. A safe friend with whom to converse about anything. And not just for me, but for many other fellow classmates and friends in this room. Why safe? Not just because he listened:

“I am not a judge, I am the least of the judged”.

What does this really mean? It’s about humility before the entire world. Profound, deep, understated humility…which is the foundation (no pun intended Barden concrete)…the foundation of a noble character. Jesse had this foundation. Jesse had this character. I will always cherish that about him.

Such humility is pretty undervalued as far as I can tell. Of me, or of our friendship, he was never a judge. Nor did he appear to be to any other humans as long as I knew him. And I knew him a long, long time. I cannot say the same things about myself. and I ask all of you…Can you?

In my remembrances of him, and there are many, Jesse was a dependable, fun friend who was loyal and eager to please. A sunny yet distinctively Yankee disposition. A willingness to explore along with me. I’m so thankful for the kind humility of his friendship and pledge to emulate it in my life.

If I was to list out all of our experiences together we’d be here all afternoon, so I’ll spare you that bit ask me later. Skiing, climbing, sports, misbehaving, running from the cops, community service…we did pretty much all of it together

One memory from our early teens stands out: The Slide, Ride, and Stride race at Killington. I skied a mogul run, Jesse rode a broken mountain bike over the full course and Benny finished off the race with a blazing 5K run for a team Second Place. The bike broke early in the race but Jesse persevered and gave us a chance.

Another good memory is absolutely crushing Mad River Glen on a powder with Erik in tow. We had to leave him behind, Jesse and I, so we could smash powder in the famous technical and tight tree lines. It was such a good day that I couldn’t move for the next 3 days with back spasms. Jesse and I spent a lot of time in the trees.

Another unforgettable moment, and one of the best experiences of my life, was with Jesse in 2006: Climbing the biggest climb in the Northeast: Moby Grape, which we completed onsight. Our biggest mountain achievement together, and my biggest at the time. We first cut our teeth together on that serious alpine rock. Jesse supplied me with extra gear (camalots #1-3) and we climbed the whole 9 pitches one July day circa 2007, and walked off past the (then remaining). Old Man on the Mountain. It was a long thrilling big day.

Overall we climbed a bunch of classic and spicy rock together. He was a great climbing partner: Trustworthy and trusting, alert and safety conscious, though not necessarily very calm.

This is in addition to all the school and sports from elementary through high school. Playing lacrosse together through thick and thin. Watching Jesse play hoops and become the inspiration for and a clubhouse leader of legendary LHS teams.

First time any of our friends could drive a car on our own: Jesse drove us around in some red car which was perhaps borrowed from Tracee? I’m not sure the whole history.

There are so many memories.

Jesse Charles Barden, was a best friend all through my formative years, and subsequently…basically my whole life. And I saw him in innately this lack of judgment of others, and a humble character. He was Appreciative of beauty and the natural world. Curious about the world in general, for example of computers and technology. The depth of his interest in my field was amazing. Normally, when I talk to family and friends about my work, their eyes glaze over in a matter of seconds. But Jesse never lost interest, was humbly and patiently curious, and I won’t forget how enjoyable that was.

Jesse was smart in ways that elude the elites of our world.

His moral instincts were are also sharp, and correct, inculcated as they were by parents and family and by his observations of the world. Never a church goer, he well grasped the most important Christian ethics

After I moved away, for two plus decades Jesse’s home was always open to me when I was visiting Leb from across the country and across the world. I could always crash on his couch. I could always be safe (from judgement).

Jesse was at my wedding. He belayed my wife and my friends and myself. I trusted him, he was a safe person. He insisted on correctness in his way when we climbed together.

One major regret I have is that he never met my son. There was a chance a couple years ago, but I missed it.

Playing lacrosse with Jesse was one of the best memories. When I scored a goal (and I scored a few) he would often run all the way up the field from his defense position to congratulate me. I have many clear memories of compliments from Jesse and moments of pure joy together. Like “chinese downhills” at Whaleback on the Ivory Run where he launched square into a tree and needed stiches to get his forehead back together. That's where the legend of Barden's hard head was born...on the Ivory Run.

So Many years, playing together outside and inside, organized and unorganized, seriously or not, competing and cooperating.

In my whole life I will Jesse Barden as the least judgmental and innocently kind friend I have known.

He embodied the passage: “I am not a judge, I am the least of the judged” … profound humility before God and Man.

Let’s pray for Jesse and give thanks for his life. Let’s pray in our hearts for his family. Let’s be thankful for our lives, too, and treat ourselves and each other the way Jesse would have: without harsh judgement. His way, his humble character, will always live on in me, and I entreat all of you too, especially you young ones, to incorporate Jesse’s noble humility into your hearts as you live.